Let's take a moment to view loss in the larger perspective. In nature, loss is an essential element of creation -- the rose blossoms, the bud is lost; the plant sprouts, the seed is lost; the day begins, and the night is lost. In all cases, loss sets the stage for further creation (or, more accurately, re-creation).
So it is in human life. It's hard to look back on any gain in life that does not have a loss attached to it.
With this firmly in mind we can examine the various losses in life. (Without this overview it tends to become awfully depressing.)
OBVIOUS LOSSES
- death of a loved one
- breakup of an affair
- separation
- divorce
- loss of job
- loss of money
- robbery
- rape or other violence
NOT-SO-OBVIOUS-LOSSES
- moving
- illness (loss of health)
- changing teachers, changing schools
- success (the loss of striving)
- loss of a cherished ideal
- loss of a long-term goal
LOSS RELATED TO AGE
- childhood dreams
- puppy love
- crushes
- adolescent romances
- leaving school (dropping out or graduating)
- leaving home
- loss of "youth"
- loss of "beauty"
- loss of hair and/or teeth
- loss of sexual drive (or worse, the drive remains but the ability falters)
- menopause
- retirement
LIMBO LOSSES
(Is it on? Is it off? Is it a gain? Is it a loss?)
- awaiting medical tests or reports on their outcome
- a couple on the brink of divorce for the fourteenth time
- a friend, spouse or relative "missing in action"
- lovers, after any quarrel
- a business transaction that may or may not fall through
- a lawsuit
- putting your house up for sale
INEVITABLE LOSSES
There are inevitable losses-losses in which death or separation is imminent. When you recognize these in advance, it will help greatly to:
- Discuss your situation with the person who is leaving.
- If you are the one who is leaving, talk it over with those who are being left.
- Take part in making the decisions that must be made.
- Let your wishes be known
OTHER LOSSES
Temporary losses (lover on vacation, spouse in the service, son or daughter away at school, a slump in business)-even when we know the outcome will eventually be positive-are losses nonetheless.
Even success has built into it certain losses-the loss of a goal to strive for and the changes that are almost certainly part of success.
There are also innumerable "mini losses" that tend to add up during the course of a day, week, month or life. An unexpected dent in the car here, an argument with a friend there, and one can find oneself "inexplicably" depressed.
Each of these losses-immediate or cumulative, sudden or eventual, obvious or not-creates an emotional wound, an injury to the organism.
